Monday, September 5, 2011

Feeding Baby

Warning: this blog is very personal. The main topic will be my breasts. If you would rather pass on the drama that I have come to know as breastfeeding, and my random thoughts on boobs, please feel free to skip this post.
 
To start things off, I thought I would share a thought that consoled me as a well-endowed teen/early 20 something (to the flat-chested who wished for more, just know that those with more often begrudged your tiny chest). To set the stage, I have always considered myself an athletic person. In fact, physical activity - especially if it involves competition - has defined much of my life, shaping major choices. I love feeling strong and fast. Unfortunately, pretty much every sport involves running, which in turn involves a lot of jiggling. I'm not talking about love handles, my friends; I am talking about tatas. If you have to wear two or more sports bras to keep yours in place when you run, then you know what I am talking about. Many times, especially when running sprints and doing circuits with my college tennis team, I internally cursed my large and flopping tatas. But then, on occasion, this thought would come to mind and soothe my boob anger: "Someday when I am a mom, I will be grateful that I have such large ladies because it will make breastfeeding so much easier."
 
Yeah, so that's not true. Big tatas do not equal easy breastfeeding. In addition, my former cup size seems dainty now that I am in a range not carried by stores. In fact, when I went to Motherhood Maternity to buy a nursing bra yesterday, the nice lady who measured me gave me the card of a custom bra specialist because "our company doesn't even make your size, sweetheart." If I had known the capabilities of my chest, I would have embraced my former self. Discontentment, it turns out, is just a matter of perspective.
 
I have learned, from moms before me, that my breastfeeding drama is not uncommon. I've also learned it's not nearly as bad as what others have endured. Again, perspective. But for a hormonally charged new mom, it seems like enough to push one over the sleep-deprived edge. I didn't stay at the hospital long after Caleb was born, but before I left I had met with three different lactation consultants. The last one, with the help of another lactation consultant, was able to get Caleb to latch on (Paul actually took a picture of this craziness, which I will not post, but I'm basically sitting there while four hands grab me and my baby, working to make the nursing thing happen. Did I mention that I have a goofy grin on my face because I am so relieved to see my child eating?). The thing is, they could only get him to latch on my right side. I went home, hoping that the good feeding session had helped him figure out how to nurse, because I still only had a vague understanding about how to best position him.
 
The thing is, Caleb and I both still needed practice.
 
The first night back home I was able to get him to latch on, but only on the right side, and only every other feeding. He was hungry and screaming - all night. I was exhausted by the morning and in tears. I couldn't even think straight enough to pray. But you know who saved the day? My best friend, Paul Haske. He spoke to me gently and prayed over me and Caleb, and then he got to work. I sat on the bed, with my back facing the edge, and Paul put his arms around me and played the role of the lactation consultant. He positioned the little guy and - as an answer to prayer - got him to latch on to the left side (for the first time!) as well.
 
During the next week and half, latching was improving, but pain was increasing, especially on the left side. Despite using the lanolin and religiously taking motrin, the pain reached an unbearable point. My nipple had split and was bleeding! Horrifying. My mom, in her wisdom, said "Don't worry about nipple confusion. Pump on the left and give him a bottle so it has time to heal." It turns out Caleb loves the bottle, and I love being able to give my sore boobs a break. It is already starting to heal, and my little guy is growing. Now we alternate between breastfeeding on both sides, breast feeding on the right and pumping the left, or pumping both sides for a total break.
 
I feel like we've made a turn for the better. Today is the three week mark and some feedings are even enjoyable. They're not consistently pleasant, but often enough to keep me encouraged. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." I've learned, during this whole process, that his mercies are new every 2.5-3 hours.

5 comments:

  1. Oh Laura! I feel for you :) Dylan (my oldest) was a terrible breast feeding.... latching and unlatching every suck! OUCH! I cried every feeding for the first 3 months. (we needed a ton of practice) Finally at the 4th month, she finally got the hang of it and I loved it! My youngest got the hang of it within the first month, and it was a joy from then on. I managed to hang in there for 9 months:) It is such a magical time for you two. Hang in there. I promise it gets better. I am here if you ever have any questions! XO

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  2. Girl, don't I know it! I also feel like my well-endowed-ness makes things more difficult! I found it impossible to do the classic "cradle" hold because I needed to hold onto my tata with one hand and Hudson with the other. Thank God for our kind, unfazed husbands to help us. For those first few weeks, I always had Ben on "hand duty" - it was his job to hold Hudson's flailing little hands out of his face so I could get him latched on!

    I forgot one more thing I was going to tell you about that made a really big difference for me. It's a breastfeeding pillow called... are you ready for this... wait for it... waaaaiiitt..... My Brest Friend. It might have the dumbest name ever, but it was really an improvement from the Boppy in my experience. No more trying to keep baby from falling down between you and the pillow! I got mine at Babies R Us but here's a link on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Brest-Friend-Deluxe-Pillow-Light/dp/B000HZI1R2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1315275543&sr=8-1

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  3. Elisabeth is a chunky monkey. I couldn't keep up with her. After Victoria wouldnt take a bottle and nursed for over a year. Elisabeth told me (after taking formula from Nana Turley) she needs more. I was still after 6 months cracking and bleeding. It has almost been a week now of not feeding her. But, she loves the bottle. And I am super happy and healed. Keep up the good work!

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  4. I had a hard time with zada too. The first day I had her she did fine. The second day was hell. I spent from 11pm till 6am trying to get her to eat. I had nurse after nurse try to help. It does get better and then worse and then better. A trick I found was putting syrup on my nipples. Sounds wierd but she latched right on.

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  5. I love this blog, seriously love it!

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