A Sudden End

Against my wishes, my body and Caleb have decided that we are done nursing. 

It started with a restless morning. Caleb was busy chattering away and pointing at things instead of getting to the task at hand. I redirected him. He took a few gulps and got busy climbing off the bed. "Child, I am not chasing you around to make this happen. Do you want any more?" "Nah-nah." 

I tried again that afternoon, knowing that skipping my only nursing session of the day would mean my body would be sending a Cease-The-Supply signal. Same routine. A few sucks, and on to more interesting things.

 

The kids brain is on fire. I can watch him thinking. It's amazing, but distracting. While comforting, nursing is not interesting, or at least not as interesting to Caleb as pulling at the threads in his quilt or rearranging his diapers.

Unlike the previous day, he was ready to nurse the next morning. He settled in close and put his little hand on my arm. He was on for a few minutes. Then, hysterical crying. 

The well is dry, my friends. 

He was too sad to keep trying, which - you mommas know - is the only way to tell your body to make more. 

Don't worry, he cheered up in about four seconds and decided that he had other things to do. He also sucked down several sippy cups of good 'ole fashioned cow's milk throughout the day. He is just shy of fifteen months. 

I can't say I'm devastated. I've enjoyed nursing Caleb and was hoping to make it to at least 18 months. But it's easier to share the job of parenting when either parent has the tools to complete the task at hand. And, as much as Paul loves to help in every possible way, he could not nurse the baby.

Nursing is over. As crazy as it sounds, that means Caleb's one step closer to independence. As I held him in my arms this morning, with the sun filtering through the clouds, making his skin glow, I put my face against his and inhaled. I smelled his baby-ness, felt the softness of his cheek and then pulled my head away to look into his brown eyes. He held my gaze and then burst out laughing. He won't remember these moments, but I will.