The Last Few Pounds

Women and weight, usually a bad combination. Except, of course, when you're pregnant. Then you check in to make sure you're gaining weight, that the little human life growing inside your body is getting enough of everything he needs to thrive. In fact, you might even find yourself thinking "I should eat that extra slice of pizza for my hungry little baby." No? Am I really the only one?

The temptation to justify my overeating was strongest during pregnancy. People encourage you to eat, comment on how hungry you must be, reinforcing the misconception that growing a baby includes growing a second adult-sized stomach. Not true. So what kept me from stuffing my face during those nine months? The cold hard facts, people. Those first three months - no additional calories needed. The next six months, only 300 extra calories a day.

I can eat 300 calories in two minutes. They look like this:

Despite a head full of knowledge about the slight increase in caloric needs during pregnancy, and exercising most mornings, I managed to gain 45 lbs. That's 10 lbs over the heavier recommended gain for women of average weight (25-35 lbs), and I could have easily packed on an additional 30 lbs if I hadn't tried to reign myself in.

I gave myself nine months to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Logical, I know. Except, I forgot to factor in that it's ten times harder to lose weight than gain weight. After the initial and exhilarating loss of thirty pounds (breastfeeding-induced melting), which happened by about month two, fifteen pounds remained. I didn't actively try to lose weight because I was still nursing. The next five pounds took about four more months to lose.

So what's left? Those darn 10 lbs I should have never gained in the first place! No amount of breastfeeding is going to make those inches decrease, just math. Fewer calories going in than those getting burned.

So where am I at today? I have two more pounds to go to greet my pre-pregnancy weight. It's been fourteen months. Did you catch that? Fourteen months.

Where am I mentally? Resolved. The finish line is in sight.

Now let's just see if I can make it there before the holidays ;)

Parenting Philosophies and Nursing Past a Year

I believe in attachment theory. Developmentally, it's important for a child to attach to a caregiver early on. I don't, however, practice attachment parenting (or at least my understanding of attachment parenting). Here's what our parenting has looked like so far:

Sleeping

I think of myself as the guardian of my child's sleep. I followed the general principles of Baby Wise from the moment I brought my little guy home. Contrary to what many critics believe, this is not a "cry it out" approach. Rather, it's a pattern-establishing-cry-distinguishing plan. By feeding baby every three hours (and making sure it's a full feeding), you gain the confidence of knowing your baby is not crying because he's hungry. In the earliest months, this leaves two other basic options: (1) dirty diaper or (2) tired. Over time, you learn what your baby's different cries mean.

Granted, I didn't follow the rules of Baby Wise strictly. I let Caleb nap in his swing, and we would rock him to sleep in the earliest months. But I was all about establishing the overall pattern: eat-awake-sleep. He learned how to put himself to sleep instead of drinking/nursing himself to sleep.

Nursing
This was very hard for me in the beginning. (You can read about it here if you're interested). The progression of my thoughts on nursing : "I hate this. Why would anyone do this?" to "I just want to get through the next feeding" to "I think I can make it to 6 months" to "When did this become so effortless?" to "I don't want this to end." Really, I thought I would stop nursing when Caleb got teeth. And boy, did he get teeth. But I found we could manage by changing position.

The biggest aid in coming this far has been the decrease in the number of feedings. I would have worn out long ago if I had to continue nursing him every three hours, like I did the first few months. Now that he's thirteen months, I only nurse him when he wakes up in the morning and before he goes down at night. Hands down, the attachment parenting part I could never, ever do is demand feeding. I'm not judging whether it's good or bad, only that it would be mentally and emotionally impossible for this momma. Plus, since I never demand fed Caleb, he doesn't expect that he can get it whenever he wants. He knows when he'll get to nurse, and I like to think that gives him comfort as he manages the rest of the day on solid food.

One of the side effects of the scheduled approach - at least with my baby - has been that he does not race over to me and start grabbing at my boobs or my shirt. That, my friends, makes me feel better about nursing him as long as I'd like. While I'd like to think of myself as socially progressive in the area of public breast feeding, it is just weird to see kids older than one nursing in public. Since Caleb doesn't demand to nurse, and we've built it into our schedule, I have avoided those awkward moments.  

Riding in the Moby in the windy city.

Cuddling/Carrying

I believe in cuddling. Period. I don't think it spoils the child, only makes them feel loved and accepted. Caleb knows how to give hugs and he's working on giving kisses. He's pretty busy running around playing with his cars these days, so I'm glad I didn't hold back when he was immobile. I also carried Caleb regularly in the Moby when he weighed less than 20 lbs. Now, I put him in the Kelty backpack carrier. It always calms him down, and it frees up my hands. It's a win-win.

Cuddling with Paul's cousin, Bradley.

New moms get lots of advice on parenting. The best advice I got came from my childhood friend, Becky, who has two kids. She said, "Laura, just do what works best for you. You love your kid. That's all he really needs." That's a good word, my friend, a good word. 

Backpacking Baby

We took Caleb backpacking in the Porcupine Mountains of Michigan's Upper Peninsula this summer. He was ten months old. I'm not the most experienced backpacker in the world. I grew up in a Chicago suburb with parents who went car camping once a year with our church. Total city slickers.

While I was used to the idea of loving the outdoors - since I considered myself an animal-and-nature-loving tomboy - I didn't really know what that meant. Marrying an Eagle Scout from a town of 2,000 who hunts, fishes, builds fires, and can forage in the woods changed my concept of "outdoors" and "camping" completely. When he suggested that we take the entire family (baby and two dogs) backpacking, I couldn't quite wrap my brain around it. He and I had gone, of course, but never with the dogs or the baby. Why not try them on the same trip?

Well, we survived. To prove it, I thought I'd write this blog and give myself some reminders for the next go around:

• The younger the baby, the better. I carried Caleb in a Kelty baby pack designed for backpacking. If he were older, he could have run around on his own two feet. If he were younger (and lighter), I would have carried him around in the Moby. If you can carry on the front, that gives you much more packing space on your back. As it turned out, Paul carried in all of our supplies. I had the baby and a few extras. Another reason a younger baby is better? You can set them down without them crawling off into unknown dangers. Need another reason? If you're only nursing, you don't have to pack any extra food.
• Sleep, the biggest battle. For the most part, our little guy was a happy camper. He didn't seem to mind the bugs, incredible heat, sitting on my back for hours at a time, and not having a single toy. What he couldn't stand: not having his normal sleep setting. No crib. No fan. No dark room. We did all we could to get him to sleep, blocking the sun with our sleeping bags, singing, fanning him, cooling him off in the lake. It was a bust. Plus, we could hardly sleep because we were constantly worried about him rolling off the bed (we backpacked to rustic cabins - no running water, no toilets, no electricity). We need to find a solution to this, a portable bed for baby that is super light weight?                     
• Bring a glow stick. This entertained our child for at least two hours. 
• Love the dirt. Let your child play in the grass, dirt, water, whatever you have. This is the time when they start to learn to love God's creation. Keep a close eye on them, but let them explore as much as possible. 
• Plan short hikes. Paul and I are pretty ambitious when we set out. This time, our longest hike was five miles. Even that was a little on the long side. Next time three max. 
• Always, always, always bring the hammock. 

I hope Caleb loves the outdoors as much as we do. There's nothing like backpacking to remember how little you need to survive, especially when you're surrounded by the people and animals you love most. 

Walk to Me, Baby!

Caleb's Baby Dedication

C.S. Lewis

I married a philosopher. He invites new ideas in. He listens, contemplates, tests. He's not a smoker, but if he were, it would be a pipe. He'd rest in a large armchair in a wood-paneled library asking you to expound on your previous statement. When I met I Paul, he was mid-thought on a philosophy called Determinism. In my understanding, Determinism outlaws the concept of free will, postulating that the universe is strictly cause and effect. Your decisions? Reactions. Followed though its full course, it is a dark and lonely place. I watched that handsome man mull it over, reach his conclusion, and move forward.

In my short and sheltered life, I hadn't met anyone so willing to discuss the possibilities of how and why life happens. If you're wondering what this has to do with Caleb's baby dedication, here's the crux: The philosopher found his philosophy when Christ found him in 2003. I'll leave the jewel of that story for Paul to tell, but it makes me think of this quote by C.S. Lewis: "I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."

The philosopher I married chose the verse for Caleb's baby dedication: Proverbs 23:26. The context of the verse made me hesitant at first, but as Paul explained why he chose it, I couldn't think of a better verse for the occasion. "My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways." It's an invitation for our son to watch us live out our faith, practicing forgiveness and kindness in our home and in our community, seeking God's approval rather than man's, learning to love like Christ, obeying the One who gave everything for us, growing in our knowledge of God and who we are in Him.

We have no greater hope for Caleb then for him to discover the Lord for himself. "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." (Psalm 34:8). Caleb's baby dedication was a chance for us to commit to this hope.

Cool Jazz and the Gummy Bear

Dear Caleb,

Ever since we visited Michigan in July and Aunt Dani introduced you to the Gummy Bear Song, we have a cure-all for almost any unpleasant situation (it does not, however, distract you from the pain of a shot at the doctor's office - yes, we stooped so low). You are so into this song, that it will stop you mid-cry. For example, when you were having a meltdown at your birthday party, Uncle Dan pulled out the magic song on his phone.


When you're in a good mood, you start head bobbing before the first note even begins. My initial thought was that you loved the cartoon, since you are still a t.v. virgin for the most part. But your response is almost identical, even when you only hear the music. You just like to get down.

It's not just strange animated dance music that catches your attention. You also love jazz. Cool jazz, to be exact. Miles Davis style. You are such a funny kid. It amazes me that you are so laid back, so happy-go-lucky.

Here are a couple of recent shots of you.

You look a little star-struck in this photo with your Great Uncle Greg and Great Aunt Lisa. This was your first time meeting Greg, since you were still brewing when we visited them in July 2011. You were itty-bitty when you met Lisa at my cousin Melanie's wedding.

We went to the zoo for your birthday with your friend Mina and my friend Erin. Umm . . . why is no one else looking at the camera in this shot?  

 You enjoyed all the sights, especially when Grandpa took you up close.

A few weeks before the zoo, we visited the Kane County Fair. I love this shot of you and your dad. You love him an incredible amount. I don't blame you. I do too.

On a Floating Star

We have friends with a pool who invited us over for an evening of grilled food and chlorine.

It was Caleb's first time in a big pool. Not a fan. He survived, thanks to the floating star - which he found more comforting than either of his parents' arms. Most of the evening, he looked like this: