Parenting Philosophies and Nursing Past a Year

I believe in attachment theory. Developmentally, it's important for a child to attach to a caregiver early on. I don't, however, practice attachment parenting (or at least my understanding of attachment parenting). Here's what our parenting has looked like so far:

Sleeping

I think of myself as the guardian of my child's sleep. I followed the general principles of Baby Wise from the moment I brought my little guy home. Contrary to what many critics believe, this is not a "cry it out" approach. Rather, it's a pattern-establishing-cry-distinguishing plan. By feeding baby every three hours (and making sure it's a full feeding), you gain the confidence of knowing your baby is not crying because he's hungry. In the earliest months, this leaves two other basic options: (1) dirty diaper or (2) tired. Over time, you learn what your baby's different cries mean.

Granted, I didn't follow the rules of Baby Wise strictly. I let Caleb nap in his swing, and we would rock him to sleep in the earliest months. But I was all about establishing the overall pattern: eat-awake-sleep. He learned how to put himself to sleep instead of drinking/nursing himself to sleep.

Nursing
This was very hard for me in the beginning. (You can read about it here if you're interested). The progression of my thoughts on nursing : "I hate this. Why would anyone do this?" to "I just want to get through the next feeding" to "I think I can make it to 6 months" to "When did this become so effortless?" to "I don't want this to end." Really, I thought I would stop nursing when Caleb got teeth. And boy, did he get teeth. But I found we could manage by changing position.

The biggest aid in coming this far has been the decrease in the number of feedings. I would have worn out long ago if I had to continue nursing him every three hours, like I did the first few months. Now that he's thirteen months, I only nurse him when he wakes up in the morning and before he goes down at night. Hands down, the attachment parenting part I could never, ever do is demand feeding. I'm not judging whether it's good or bad, only that it would be mentally and emotionally impossible for this momma. Plus, since I never demand fed Caleb, he doesn't expect that he can get it whenever he wants. He knows when he'll get to nurse, and I like to think that gives him comfort as he manages the rest of the day on solid food.

One of the side effects of the scheduled approach - at least with my baby - has been that he does not race over to me and start grabbing at my boobs or my shirt. That, my friends, makes me feel better about nursing him as long as I'd like. While I'd like to think of myself as socially progressive in the area of public breast feeding, it is just weird to see kids older than one nursing in public. Since Caleb doesn't demand to nurse, and we've built it into our schedule, I have avoided those awkward moments.  

Riding in the Moby in the windy city.

Cuddling/Carrying

I believe in cuddling. Period. I don't think it spoils the child, only makes them feel loved and accepted. Caleb knows how to give hugs and he's working on giving kisses. He's pretty busy running around playing with his cars these days, so I'm glad I didn't hold back when he was immobile. I also carried Caleb regularly in the Moby when he weighed less than 20 lbs. Now, I put him in the Kelty backpack carrier. It always calms him down, and it frees up my hands. It's a win-win.

Cuddling with Paul's cousin, Bradley.

New moms get lots of advice on parenting. The best advice I got came from my childhood friend, Becky, who has two kids. She said, "Laura, just do what works best for you. You love your kid. That's all he really needs." That's a good word, my friend, a good word. 

Backpacking Baby

We took Caleb backpacking in the Porcupine Mountains of Michigan's Upper Peninsula this summer. He was ten months old. I'm not the most experienced backpacker in the world. I grew up in a Chicago suburb with parents who went car camping once a year with our church. Total city slickers.

While I was used to the idea of loving the outdoors - since I considered myself an animal-and-nature-loving tomboy - I didn't really know what that meant. Marrying an Eagle Scout from a town of 2,000 who hunts, fishes, builds fires, and can forage in the woods changed my concept of "outdoors" and "camping" completely. When he suggested that we take the entire family (baby and two dogs) backpacking, I couldn't quite wrap my brain around it. He and I had gone, of course, but never with the dogs or the baby. Why not try them on the same trip?

Well, we survived. To prove it, I thought I'd write this blog and give myself some reminders for the next go around:

• The younger the baby, the better. I carried Caleb in a Kelty baby pack designed for backpacking. If he were older, he could have run around on his own two feet. If he were younger (and lighter), I would have carried him around in the Moby. If you can carry on the front, that gives you much more packing space on your back. As it turned out, Paul carried in all of our supplies. I had the baby and a few extras. Another reason a younger baby is better? You can set them down without them crawling off into unknown dangers. Need another reason? If you're only nursing, you don't have to pack any extra food.
• Sleep, the biggest battle. For the most part, our little guy was a happy camper. He didn't seem to mind the bugs, incredible heat, sitting on my back for hours at a time, and not having a single toy. What he couldn't stand: not having his normal sleep setting. No crib. No fan. No dark room. We did all we could to get him to sleep, blocking the sun with our sleeping bags, singing, fanning him, cooling him off in the lake. It was a bust. Plus, we could hardly sleep because we were constantly worried about him rolling off the bed (we backpacked to rustic cabins - no running water, no toilets, no electricity). We need to find a solution to this, a portable bed for baby that is super light weight?                     
• Bring a glow stick. This entertained our child for at least two hours. 
• Love the dirt. Let your child play in the grass, dirt, water, whatever you have. This is the time when they start to learn to love God's creation. Keep a close eye on them, but let them explore as much as possible. 
• Plan short hikes. Paul and I are pretty ambitious when we set out. This time, our longest hike was five miles. Even that was a little on the long side. Next time three max. 
• Always, always, always bring the hammock. 

I hope Caleb loves the outdoors as much as we do. There's nothing like backpacking to remember how little you need to survive, especially when you're surrounded by the people and animals you love most. 

Walk to Me, Baby!